Sad news for fans of Bin Lady. She's moved out. She was renting the house next door and her lease must have ended at the turn of the year as she has pootled off elsewhere.
No more will she dump her bin bags outside of my house, although my stern note had put a stop to that some months ago. I assume it will also mean an end to the numerous emails and queries I receive about her evil doings.
But...
I must tell you about one final revelation which took place just a week or so before she left for good. I was walking past her house - something I rarely do as my usual route into town is in the other direction - when I noticed a cat at her window. I had never seen this cat out and about before - not in her garden, nor sitting on the fence or generally prowling around as cats normally do - although MOTC swears blind it arrived with Bin Lady a year ago. This then, I can only assume, is a house cat.
It seemed like a pleasant enough moggie to me, largely white, perhaps a bit furry for my liking but with that haughty windowsill gravitas that many felines exude. Only something then caught my eye. A rather vibrant red across its chest. I wasn't sure what it was at first but then, to my horror, I realised what it was.
It was one of these.
Now, if you are reading this and are the sort of person who dresses a cat in a fucking jumper then I apologise if what I am about to say offends you.
YOU ARE A CRAZY LADY!
And trust me, you will be a lady. Or, at the very least, intensely in touch with your feminine side.
Last time I looked cats, or at least the vast majority of them, have fur. It is pretty much a design feature. It serves many functions but probably the most important of them is to keep them warm. Warm and furry. Mmm, nice.
They do not need jumpers. We are not in the arctic. And they definitely do not need jumpers if you never let them out of the house you raving mentalist. I now know why you kept on dumping your rubbish outside of my house. You are a loon. If you hadn't moved out I would have called the RSPCA and had you arrested for overheating your cat and, more importantly, destroying any shred of self-respect the poor pullovered creature had left.
So cheerio then Bin Lady. My readers will miss you.
Crying with laughter! Can I vote for this post as my favuorite one by you in all of the time I have been reading your blog?
Posted by: DJ Kirkby | January 17, 2009 at 08:09 AM
Definitely true. If cats wore clothes, they'd wear spats. They certainly wouldn't slouch around in an old jersey.
Posted by: Ben Locker | January 17, 2009 at 09:41 AM
Haha! Love it!
I once lived next door to a slightly crazy woman who every time she saw me with my dog said "Will you be getting him a coat for the winter?" It drove me to despair. I used to awaken dreading seeing her during the morning walk.
Posted by: Chas Newkey-Burden | January 17, 2009 at 10:37 AM
HA HA! so funny. poor cat, I'd never have such little respect for my moggy.
best line: If you hadn't moved out I would have called the RSPCA and had you arrested for overheating your cat!
Lx
Posted by: Leah Ebdon | January 17, 2009 at 02:02 PM
If you're upset about cats in sweaters, maybe you haven't been exposed to this: http://kittywigs.com/ (as shown, with some horror, on The Graham Norton Show some months ago). Let's hope Former Bin Lady hasn't got wind of this. I understand they keep selling out...
Posted by: Persephone | January 17, 2009 at 02:23 PM
A jumper on a house cat? truly beyond nuts.
Posted by: hagelrat | January 18, 2009 at 10:50 AM
A radiator hammock, yes. A jumper, no. Very wrong!
Posted by: tim relf | January 19, 2009 at 07:11 PM
B. hell. And it's not even in Liverpool colours. Nah, not for our lad. Tho' I do see him in a baseball cap on a skateboard. But I'll wait 'til asks for them.
Posted by: Susie Cornfield | April 18, 2009 at 11:15 AM