Guest Blogger: Sarah Salway

Maybe it’s retaliation for having to listen to people tell us that they would also write a novel if only they had the time, but in my experience, if you put a group of writers together, it won’t be long before we start talking about alternative dream jobs too. Cakeshop assistant seems high on the list, but the best alternative career I’ve heard so far is air traffic controller. Perfect. Not least because people would actually care whether you turned up to work in the morning or not. Hmmm.

My own fantasy job is an aerobics trainer. I want the whole package. The shouting, sweating, going for the burn, even the ra-ra-ra cheesy music. You are, you are, you are SIMPLY THE BEST! A whole room of people doing exactly what I tell them. At last! Of course, I’d like to do those nineties step classes most, not least to see if I could manage to keep a straight face when people fall off their steps, but in lieu of doing the real thing, not least because I haven’t actually been to many exercise classes myself, I’m turning Mr Pack’s empty blog room into a writing exercise studio for today. Yep, I’ve checked it with him. Well, sort of. We’ve got to put all those mirrors around here to some use.

So OK, let’s get going. No slacking at the back. And there’s no point in trying the door, you over there … it’s locked.

Here are five quick sweaty exercise routines to get your writing muscles warmed up. I’m passionate about doing this. It’s too easy to spend time talking and thinking about writing when there’s nothing better than jumping straight into get moving. The best description I’ve heard is from Owen Sheers who calls it letting the rusty tap run clear, but today you can think of it as the stretching. Each exercise take ten minutes - pick just one for now and get going.

All you need is a timer, a notebook and pen. No-one will suspect what you’re doing. Not even the person sitting next to you.

Creepy leotards and legwarmers are optional, but I think Scott will be wearing his.

1. Freewriting is the classic warm up. Set the timer for three minutes, and just keep your pen (or fingers on the keyboard) moving. No stopping, no reading, no correcting. Write anything, even if it feels like rubbish. Start with I know… if you get stuck, come back to this and start the sentence again. I know. Then spend the next three minutes doing the same thing with I don’t know. Spend the remaining time reading through and circling any words or phrases that feel good to you. There may be just one, or there may be several. Next time you can start your piece of freewriting with one of these.

2. Mix up your routines sometimes. A piece of writing will come to life with the use of the senses; smell in particular is one that can get forgotten but when used well, has an almost subliminal power to make us readers live the scene. Take the ten minutes to remind yourself of the senses, and also how to use them to surprise. Write down things you can smell, hear, touch, see, taste, and then describe each of them by another sense, eg the smell of strawberries always shocks me like the first time I heard The Pretenders; watching my daughter wake up is like eating cherries; the feel of this dirty leather chair is like the smell of asparagus pee. Be as silly or as profound as you want, and keep on going. The idea isn’t always to come up with something useable, but to stretch.

3. Flex your imagination. Take a photograph of a person in your newspaper or magazine, preferably of someone you’ve never heard of. Don’t read the article, but make up answers to these questions very quickly, without thinking too much:

• Where does s/he live?
• Favourite food?
• What does s/he read?
• Best childhood memory?
• What does s/he want from life?

Now, in the voice of your character, write on from this …. I have never told anyone this before but …

4. Move fluidly and connectedly. Start a story now, to be finished within ten minutes, using all of these five words: fire, banana, boot, ice, velvet.

5. Lastly, feel the music. Switch your ipod to shuffle and listen to the first minute of the first song that comes on and then write whatever comes into your head. It may be a story that develops in your mind, or a memory from the music, or one snatch of lyric. Don’t think too much. Write for a couple of minutes only, and then switch to the next song. Make sure you don’t look at what is coming up so the sound takes you by surprise. Or if you don’t want to use shuffle, try this song, and then this one, and lastly, here you go. Put aside whether you like the music or not, and just see what comes up for you in your writing.

Phew. That’s it.

I was so tempted to insert some of those ‘You’re doing brilliantly’, ‘Keep at it’, and ‘Beautiful’ comments they have on some of the exercise videos I’ve studied from the sofa, but I liked hearing you all swear and grunt too much. Hmm. Enough of that fantasy for one day, I think. Thank you for letting me play. Now I’ll roll up my mat, and creep back to my laptop to get back to the real job.

Although before I go, here are some writing books I’d recommend which have similar exercises: Writing Down the Bones, Natalie Goldberg; The Passionate, Accurate Story, Carol Bly; Poemcrazy, Susan Goldsmith Wooldridge; The Writing Book, Kate Grenville; and A Writer's Book of Days, Judy Reeves.

And a quote for you:

A man sits down at a desk, and writes some junk down on some scrap paper. How hard can it be? It’s really hard. Maybe the hardest thing you have done so far.

(Heather Sellers, from Page After Page )

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Sarah Salway is a poet, short story writer, novelist and creative writing tutor. She blogs here.

Comments

[DJ Kirkby]

Okay...you may be laughing but I really am going to do this workout! Next Tuesday in fact... I like the suggestions in number two the best but I will do all five and I promise to try and restrain myself from bolting for the door.

[Scott Pack]

OK, own up, who else did the workout?

Thanks Sarah, I owe you one x

[Natalie]

I will be trialling this with pride no less! Thanks Sarah