Me And My Big Mouth

iPad youPad shePad wePad youPad theyPad

I am on a bit of a bullet point roll this week. Just you wait and see.

Here, following some requests (I know, suprised me as well) are some initial thoughts on the iPad.

These are based, I should point out, on limited knowledge, no great technical expertise and come from someone who has never quite seen what all the fuss is about when it comes to Apple. I am not anti-Apple by any means - love my iPod - but Macs have never impressed me. What can I say, I grew up on PCs*.

So here goes.

• It is a big iPhone.

• I didn't want a small iPhone, why would I want a big one?

• Very exciting that it has been designed with ebooks in mind. As a publisher, just opening up iTunes to ebooks is going to make a huge difference to the amount of potential readers for my authors.

• The existing eReader devices use e-ink technology which allows you to read from a screen for as long as you want without any eye strain. Not sure how the display for the iPad works but from what I have seen I would be concerned that it is more like looking at a computer display. Anyone able to shed some light on this?

• Apart from the obvious sanitary connotations - did anyone have the guts to bring this up in the planning meetings? - iPad is a bit of a disappointing name. Strikes me as an extension of existing technology rather than something that is going to lead the way to the future.

• Can it seriously only do one thing at a time? They are joking, right?

• Newspaper and magazine publishers must be wetting themselves. If the demo we have seen can be scaled out across the print media then I can see the iPad and similar devices offering a genuine alternative within an industry that appeared to be in terminal decline.

• It is going to be fascinating to see how Apple's pricing structure for their iBooks store will impact on Amazon who have, in the States at least, been cleaning up on ebooks with the Kindle.

• And with the Kindle lagging behind other eReader devices in the UK due to its late entry to the market, will the iPad relegate it to the bottom of the pile here and elsewhere in the world?

• Will the iBooks store include a free download every week in the same way as iTunes does?

• Back to multitasking. Why would I want a device that can't do two things at once? If I am going to pay a few hundred pounds or more on a piece of kit, especially a portable piece of kit, then I want it to replace my existing hardware. The way I see it I would need an iPad and a laptop if I wanted to be able to do the things I need to. Might as well stick with the laptop.

• As more than one person on Twitter has said to me: never buy a first gen Apple product. Lots about the iPad strikes me as very exciting but I think I will wait till it can do more stuff, comes with more stuff and has been proven to work before I will even consider shelling out for one.

• Although if Apple can build upon this initial concept then I could imagine investing in a 3rd or 4th generation version. Just compare the first iPods to the current ones. Give me that sort of progress and I could get excited.

• Netbooks may not be amazing at anything, Mr Jobs, but they can do more than one thing at the same time. It is all very well having a girlfriend/boyfriend who is great in the sack but if she/he can't walk upstairs then you are in for a lonely night.**

• So, overall, a very welcome addition to the market and something that could potentially have a big impact on the way we do some of the things we do, but am I the only one to think it isn't quite as exciting as the expectant public were hoping for?

• It looks neat, will certainly get better. I'll check back once it has.

• Do please feel free to put me right on any of the above.

*Technically I grew up on Vic20s and ZX Spectrums but you get my point.

**Terrible analogy, I know, sorry.

A Song For Sunday

Coast by Blue Roses.

Straight Sets Defeat

I am having a nightmare with my fantasy tennis team at the Australian Open. The Me And My Big Mouth group are 50th out of 50.

Disaster.

The best we can hope for is to overtake the team in 49th position. That just happens to be our arch rivals the Paperview Punters.

Final results on Sunday. I am quietly optimistic.

Roll on the French.

Quick Flick: February

25 years after her husband dies in an oil rig disaster, Helen is faced with a new family crisis when her wayward son calls to announce he is coming home. He has made a girl pregnant and wants his mother to tell him what to do.

The cover of the book features quotes from Richard Ford and Anne Enright, two authors that I acknowledge are accomplished writers but whose style just leaves me cold.

Same here I am afraid. I was aware that I was reading good writing but didn't feel remotely close to the narrative. Distance isn't good for me.

Will I read on? What do you think? I don't want to put you off though. If you like Ford, Enright or someone like Tim Winton then this could be right up your street.

February by Lisa Moore is published in, you guessed it, February by Chatto & Windus.

Quick Flick: Heliopolis

It's early, not yet seven a.m., and once again I'm waking up beside my adoptive sister.

This has got to stop. She's a married woman.

As openings go that one is pretty much guaranteed to make you want to read on. And the pages that follow don't let up.

Ludo is adopted out of poverty by a millionaire businessman and his wife. Nearly twenty years on and his life, while plentiful, is not without worry. For starters, if his dad finds out he is shagging his sister he won't be best pleased.

But there is a dark edge to this comedy and I suspect it is only going to get darker the more I read.

Will I read on? Incest (albeit adoptive) and helicopters? You bet.

Heliopolis by James Scudamore is published in paperback next month by Vintage.

My Kindle Diary: The Votes Are In

So, what did you decide we should call these electronic books of ours?

117 people voted and here are the results.

poll by twiigs.com

ebooks it is then.

Quick Flick: The Thousand Autumns of Jacob De Zoet

David Mitchell has written some of the most interesting, captivating and ambitious books of the past ten years.

He is also just about the nicest man you will ever meet.

A new novel from him is a major event. No undue hype intended here, it is simply a book that a hell of a lot of people - from the media to booksellers to readers - will be very excited about.

I have been sent a snazzy proof of his forthcoming novel, The Thousand Autumns of Jacob De Zoet. It is gold and shiny, although it is now covered with my greasy fingerprints.

The book is set towards the end of the 18th century. Japan is still a closed country, with the exception of a tiny walled-off island outside the port of Nagasaki: a trading post managed by the Dutch. It is an artificial world on the edge of a mysterious, sealed off empire into which steps our hero, Jacob de Zoet.

The opening sequence centres around the horrifically complex delivery of a concubine's child. The writing is breathtaking, the ending remarkable. The sort of beginning that classics are made of.

Will I read on? Of course I will. This is wonderful stuff so far.

The Thousand Autumns of Jacob De Zoet by David Mitchell is published in May by Hodder.

My Kindle Diary: The Money Shot

I eventually turn the bloody machine on.

Quick Flick: Push

Two things annoyed me about this book.

First, the title. This film tie-in edition is called - take a breath - Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire. WTF? To be fair to the publisher that is the actual full title of the film. Why not keep it as Push? Or, if you do have to change it just call the film Precious and give this new edition the same name. Alternatively you can take the Q&A route with a cover that says 'filmed as Slumdog Millionaire'.

I know, I am being far too picky. I haven't seen the film but I have heard amazing things about it. The central performance is supposed to be remarkable and there is even an award-winning turn from Mariah Carey. I shouldn't be so harsh based on title alone.

But then there is the vernacular. The book is narrated by a teenage black girl, illiterate and pregnant by her father for a second time. It is written in her voice which gives the book a unique edge. Unfortunately, it is also a false one. Not that I know a huge amount of illiterate American black girls but in trying to capture the cadence and rhythms of their speech the author has tried too hard, injected too much poetry, and broken the spell.

I was reading an author speaking through her character and it meant I couldn't really sit comfortably with either of them.

Will I read on? No, I gave up, but I will try to see the film.

Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire by, obviously, Sapphire is out now from Vintage.

My Kindle Diary: Buttons

To All The Girls I've Loved Before

If I were you, I'd keep your potatoes peeled. Make sure they don't get mashed. Maybe then you'll keep your eyes on one girl. Or maybe you won't stay in one place until you're dead.

Love,

M.W.

When John Thomas, yes his mother really did call him that, receives this letter he is convinced it is a death threat from an ex-girlfriend. It bothers him so much that he leaves his, admitedly rather abusive, wife and heads off on a road trip to find the culprit.

What follows is a warped take on Nick Hornby's High Fidelity. As if the book had been adapted for the screen by David Lynch and had all the music references taken out.

John visits his lovers in reverse order, confronting each in turn with the letter which they, predictably perhaps, deny writing. He stays just long enough to try to get into their pants (with frequent success, it must be said) before moving on to the next one none the wiser.

His journey is fraught with mishap and misadventure - a car that surely can't survive the whole trek, skirmishes with various undesirables and, naturally, not everyone is delighted to see him again. But he is a likeable chap and you find yourself willing him on as he attempts to make sense of an increasingly dark scenario. His life is unravelling at each stop and he can't work out why. The reader is given a few clues but probably not quite enough to guess the outcome which is a daft and enjoyable twist.

If you are a fan of odd, wonky fiction then you are going to love this. I hoovered it up in a few sittings and was looking forward to the train ride to and from work so that I could read a chunk uninterrupted. It won't be for everyone - can't see the TV Book Club getting their heads round it and it comes from an obscure American indie publisher so the British broadsheets won't know it even exists - but cult status beckons for sure.

Finale by Paul A. Toth is out now from Raw Dog Screaming Press.

My Kindle Diary: Correct Form Of Address

And while we are on the subject of electronic readers, what shall we call the books we read on them?

poll by twiigs.com

Results on Friday.

My Kindle Diary: First Impressions

HarperCollins, my fine and upstanding employer, gave a bunch of people in the business an Amazon Kindle for Christmas. The idea, and a very sensible one it is too, being to get editors and others using and reading eBooks on a daily basis.

And what better way then to give them a nice freebie?

I have been living with my Kindle for a month now and am going to write a few posts by way of comment and review. Some of you may remember I did a similar thing when I got hold of a Sony Reader, the collected posts from that time can be viewed here.

Partly out of laziness - I can't be bothered to type it all up - and partly as there is some stuff it is just better to show you, I have recorded a few short videos.

The first of which is below.

Do you think I'll get the job on QVC?

More posts, videos and other stuff to come over the next few days.

A Song For Sunday

On My Shoulders by The Do.

Quick Flick: Darwin's Dogs

You may have been led to believe that Darwin's evolutionary theories came from bumping into giant tortoises and murdering little finches on the Galapagos Islands. And you'd be right, sort of.

Because he didn't come straight back home and write his world-changing book. Oh no. He thought about it for a while, so he did. And while he was thunking away he would often have a dog sitting nearby him. These dogs had quite a say in the matter.

This hugely entertaining new book looks at the influence Darwin's dogs had on his life, his understanding of animal behaviour and, ultimately, his theory of evolution itself. It is the sort of biography I love, coming at its subject, as it does, with a mischievous skip from an unusual angle.

And it has a flickerbook thing going on. Zip through the pages and a little dog runs across the corner. Genius.

Which is not to suggest that this isn't a serious study of its subject, it bloody well is, it's just that the author displays a lightness of touch that renders the story a delight to read. It does for the science book what The Suspicions of Mr. Whicher did for historical biography.

Darwin's Dogs: How Darwin's Pets Helped Form a World-Changing Theory of Evolution by Emma Townshend is out now and is published by Francis Lincoln.

Let Them Eat Cake

My latest column for The Bookseller is up on their website now. It is all about the Firestation Book Swap so do please pop on over and leave a comment if you have the time and/or inclination.

Diary Of An Ex-Nun

At the Firestation Book Swap we often get audience members who are also authors. Some of them bring their own books along to swap. Last night was one such example.

Marion Dante started training as a nun at the age of 14 and spent over 30 years in a convent before leaving the order for life on the outside. She tells her story in Dropping the Habit.

She was a lively member of the audience and I had a brief chat with her during the interval. I wasn't the lucky recipient of her book in the swap but am now very keen to check it out.

Marion blogs here.

Quick Flick: Organic Gardening

This history of the organic movement is an impressive and accessible tome written by two leading figures in the field (pun recognised but not intended). It delves into to roots (there I go again) of organic gardening and farming as well as explaining what it is and how it became the cause celebre it is today.

If this is the sort of thing you want to read about then this is pretty much the perfect book for you but I suspect the appeal is somewhat niche. My wife keeps two allotments which she gardens organically and she had a brief look at this before deciding it didn't have sufficient practical advice for her needs. It is a piece of narrative non-fiction, not an instructional guide.

So, a comprehensive and conversation look at organic farming, gardening and food from people who really know what they are talking about. Can't say fairer than that. Oh, and you get a foreword from HRH Prince of Wales and a quote from Monty Don on the front. Lovely.

Will I read on? Well, no, for the reasons explained above.

Organic Gardening: The Whole Story by Jackie and Alan Gear is out now from Watkins Publishing.

Roll Up, Roll Up!

Do please join us tonight for the Firestation Book Swap. It is the book event unlike any other.

Live and doing their best to be interesting on stage will be authors Matt Beaumont and Marcus Chown.

In the audience attempting to swap the books they've brought along will be lots of lovely people.

Why not be one of them?

Tickets are just £5 but entry is free if you bring some cakes along or arrive wearing a slanket.

All the details are here.

And if you can't make it but want to take a sneaky look at what is going on then why not follow the @firebookswap Twitter feed?

Quick Flick: Hyddenworld

William Horwood, author of the wonderful Duncton Wood series, is returning to fantasy fiction after a number years writing in other genres. His memoir The Boy with No Shoes was published to great acclaim; his historical crime novel Dark Hearts of Chicago, co-written with Helen Rappaport, was one of my books of 2007 and he has penned several sequelsto The Wind in the Willows. But no fantasy, until now.

Hyddenworld is a four book sequence, one for each season, set in a land that exists on the fringes of our universe. These are places we recognise, to a degree, but which are shrouded in the mists and armour that is the remit of fantasy fiction. So we have a prophecy and a quest and some unlikely heroes but these genre staples become something more beneath Horwood's pen.

There is a lot of good fantasy around, and there is a great deal of mediocre stuff. From what I have read so far this new series could prove to be one of the classics. If anyone is going to stand a chance of rivalling Tolkien it is William Horwood. I can't wait to read more.

Will I read on? What do you think?

Hyddenworld: Spring by William Horwood is published next month by Macmillan. Further volumes will be released at the rate of one a year.